The Pathetic Mutated Hot Dog (Bun?)

Today, I woke up, as usual, around that time where you don't know whether to eat breakfast or lunch. If you eat breakfast, you'll have to wait a while before you can eat lunch and by then it'll be halfway between lunchtime and dinner and your whole eating schedule will be messed up for days. But if you eat lunch, then you'll be hungry for dinner early and your whole eating schedule will be messed up for days! But today, it didn't matter too much. Today, my eating schedule was already messed up, I was hungry, and I decided to eat lunch, because I was too hungry for breakfast. The only lunch food we had were hot dogs. No problem! I love hot dogs!  None of that matters, because I wanted a hot dog. But soon, the problem announced itself...in the form of a lack of hot dog buns. We had bread, bagels, English muffins, hamburger buns, sub rolls, but no hot dog buns. I immediately scrambled to come up with a solution.

English muffins! Two would fit around a hot dog perfectly. But they had to be toasted, and I was too impatient to wait for the toaster.

Sub roll! One was about the length of a hot dog and would easily substitute for a hot dog bun...until I realized it was rock hard and would probably damage my teeth and braces more than they already were, and since I hate the dentist and orthodontist with a passion, they were out.

Bread! All was well and good with that one...until I realized I had to peel off the crust, because I hate bread crust with a passion as well. The bread got torn in half and I finally gave up because it was getting squished together and mushy and gross.

This left me with only one option. The hamburger buns. I silently resigned myself to defeat and decided I would half to layer one slightly over the other to create a sad, sorry, pathetic psuedo-hot dog bun. It was shaped like a lopsided oval. The hot dog seemed to stare back up at me, protesting, begging to understand why I would dare subject it to such a mutation. Matters only got worse when I managed to squirt ketchup all over the edges of the pseudo-bun instead of the actual  hot dog, and when I squeezed out the mustard, all the water top stuff came out first. So, all in all, it was a pretty sorry looking hot dog indeed.

But anyway...it still tasted like a hot dog. Except I had to stuff a bunch of excess bun bread in my mouth with every tiny little morsel of hot dog meat. And there was too much ketchup. And mustard fluid. Okay, so it wasn't a very good hot dog either. But at least I got my lunch. I don't have a very clever or funny way to end this post so...here's a real picture of the pathetic mutated hot dog: